Day of Reckoning

So today my boyfriend is returning home. I'm picking him up at the airport at 1:15pm..I'm not feeling so good about his return. I'm affraid things are going to be as they were and I'm going to go back to sitting on the couch, watching him play video games. Not being able to invite him to movies because he doesn't like any of them that come out, or watching movies at his house because he doesn't like them. Yet, I have to put up with watching all the movies he likes, doing what he likes to do.

I don't recall how many times he actually asked me "what do you want to do?"

I've been hanging out with so many people in the past 4 months...that it's going to make hanging out with him...well...shitty and boring. I want to go out to places...like, say..go to the beach for a day, lay out, enjoy the sand, the sound of th eocean...have a cute picnic or something. But no, I can't do that because the only time he'd ever go to the beach is if its pitch black. And even then, he'd need alcohal.

Thats another thing I'm going to love going back to....his drinking. I hope he will do what he said he would and cut down on it. But I don't have high hopes. I might as well face it, the only time I'm going to ever get a romantic cuddley time is when he's had enough alcohal in him to turn up the hormones. Things he said to me in emails in the last 3 months...just will vanish. I know it's going to happen. It's only a matter of time. Yet I'm still that stupid fool that loves him. Why? Why does this have to happen? I swear, my self esteem is fucked.

On the bright side....tonight is the :RUINA: Tour with Imperative Reaction and Psyclon Nine in San Diego at the Brick By Brick. I'm happy for that...