Break Down

So I'm completely feeling the stress coming down and taking a toll on me for the 2nd time in the past week in a half. I had a minor break down a weak ago..it got me sick. But now with recent events of being confused about how I feel about my boyfriend, it makes me sick.
On top of that I feel like I'm not appreciated at all at work. I've never had a kind word said to me except for one time by the stocking manager Jim. He told me 2 weeks ago when I got really badly sick in the middle of work(I was in the bathroom throwing up 90% of the time) and he told me 2 days later that I did a good job that night even though I could hardly work..but I stuck it out. It was kind of sad because afrer he told me that I had to go into the bathroom to hide--I had just broken into tears.
I feel like Silverstines book "The Missing Piece"..I'm just endlessly making this journey to find that little piece that is missing from my heart.

On top of all this stuff and the minor things, lately I've learned that I've had crap said about me that was completely uncalled for by a boy who thinks he is so all that. Trying to screw me over in the club business, trying to rip me away from my best friend. On top of that, he attempted to take all credit for the work that I did for the club. I consider myself at least 50%, if not..then more responsible for making Club Neurozone even a thing. I did more promoting then he EVER did. I went and make a god damn myspace profile, I added more then 200 people, I handed out flyers, I paid for flyers, I bought lighting equipment where I should of put that money towards my cell phone bill(I ended up getting 2 months behind because of it).
How fucking dare any of them say that I'm just a staff member. How dare any of them try to rip me off, screw me over, or even attempt to take possession of the decorations I hand made. I don't need that drama and bull crap. I don't need it.

I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room. Screaming. Screaming...and nobody even hears me or looks up. Unnoticed, shoved aside. I can't turn to my family, they actually discarded me as a daughter when I was born.

I just sometimes wish I was just a little floating vaper. I'm trying real hard to keep optimistic, positive and listen to what good advice I do receive from what little (real) friends I have. I want to keep from falling into this hole..but I find that I am slipping deeper and deeper into this void....and the distance I'm putting between my friends and I..is growing larger and larger.